Like most, if not all, the games I play online they don’t constitute great adverts for it. Either my opponent is naff or I am. This game illistrates that opening theory is an anathema to some, and so a kingside attack won the day. Since one of the chief aims of the this website is to convince everyone I’m dead good at chess, I am happy to post this game, especially since as I came back to my room to play I accidentally stepped in some dogshit and was still a bit annoyed by it. You never know, but when my memory starts packing up, I might even believe I’m dead good too one day, and not think anything along the lines of these muppets I played just made me look tidy…of course, it goes without saying you are moer than capable of establishing playing strength yourself, and will easily see I am rubbish. Anyway, who doesn’t believe that online chess is rather unserious and for all I know he could have been pissed.

Title for the game: I went for the horsey ones he went for the ones that go slanty ways.

More seriously, the d5 push in the Dutch often begins white’s usual grab for space but this time it didn’t work.

Jetlag has cleared off, which means this week’s visit to the chess club won’t be the same as last week’s. Overall more pleasant and the sense of occasion greater. My results will improve but probably not greatly.

Presently I am on holiday and have much time to do as I so wish. I have decided to make videos for my site and find my voice with them. This is sharpening me up somewhat, so I won’t be quite so rusty either. Doesn’t mean much at all except that a pleasant evening should be had and that’s something to look forward to. And as you might expect, it’s always pleasant to go into the city and Bangkok chess club is right in the heart of it, leaving you with a slight sense of adventure as well… .

Last week I drank Coke Zero only to help keep me alert and will do so again this week as I don’t want to be carried out and put in a taxi again. Should be good.

M J M

I’ve always said I can play chess well once every twenty or thirty years or so, as those from my beloved Bedfordshire can testify and some from my local boozer too. I think I played well in this game because I didn’t get thrashed as per usual. If your opponent plays without a plan and leave your pieces uncoordinated, the Dutch defence can finish you off in no time at all. Falsehood? Watch the video if you don’t believe me. Yes, it would be more instructive to show games with those who play against that defence and really know their stuff, so I asked chess.com if they could make that possible for me but the answer I got was ‘p*ss off English pig dog’. But if it does happen, whatever decade that may be, I will post the games(providing my play is not rubbish as usual). I should point out that chess players who are not handsome usually lose to ones that are except me usually but this game isn’t about that. It’s about me playing well above my FIDE rating, which is only 2 at the moment!

NB If you liked the game you are welcome to comment that I am a very good and handsome chess player, as that’s what I am most used to hearing and naturally warm towards. 🙂

Old-timer Marcus, considered one of the funniest woodpushers in chess, signing off here…

M J M

Like all club players, if I want to make a name for myself in the chess world my back is against the wall. I have, in fact, two hopes -Bob Hope and no hope. But how about this ‘Duff old-timer wins with a queenside attack with the Dutch defence! That might raise an eyebrow or pull in a quizzicle look. As is stated in the video, I do not recall the last time that happened as it as not the norm. But if I were to guess then ‘er…maybe once in 1992 I dunno init! I just go for kingside attacks ususally to counter white’s spacial push on the queenside -as happens in the game posted. Somehow I got round the back of him and took him out…I must be better than what I thought! It’s just a great shame that joy was so short lived. As soon as I posted this I went to the shop to buy some bread and got robbed and beaten up on the way!

NB: Comments commending me for my play may leave me quite sure the poster was drunk when posting. And like I said, I am still sore from getting beaten up after I posted it. 🙂

Note to self: don’t run this game through the engines for fuck’s sake in case it’s shit.

M J M

Whoever said all my games of chess or entertaining and educational -what a load of old tosh! This game, however, is and shows if you stick at it, that alone can bring victory -even in a technically lost endgame! A good show for you to watch methinks.

NB: if you post any comments saying I am rubbish, you will in fact be the 102nd person to do so on this site, so I won’t listen. 🙂

M J M

‘Live by your passions’, Nietzsche said so many times throughout his life. But how do we do that when we play chess? When I read Kasparov’s ‘How Chess Imitates Life’, I took note of his assertation that ‘Evaluation triumps over calculation’ and believed in it. Over time my play became more impulsive and calculation began to play second-fiddle. Impulses and instincts took over eventually, which works well enough in blitz and quickplay but with regards to classical chess, I am less sure. Evaluation is based on a feel for a position rather than congnition. Consciousness, then, more or less gets the boot and feeling and passions, such as which looks good and doesn’t need much thinking about, or moves I just want to play because I like them, or somehow it feels right get the nod. I can only really say this because I don’t play classical chess anymore and I only play for pleasure and not improvement, the underlying motive being bad conscience.

M J M

You really do need to know what pawn moves should be made in most openings.

One of Freud’s favourite quotes of Nietzsche comes from his publication Beyond Good and Evil and is ‘A thought comes when it wants not when I want’. Some minutes earlier it occurred to me that it is not, primarily, the function of historians to make predictions but with that said, and the frequency I play chess, most likely I will remain forever rusty -as has been the case for some years already! What a wonderous and inspiring proposition popping out there. I have only played one tournament in the last decade. Schedule doesn’t allow to play more. What to do about that? That thought hasn’t dampened my evening though as it’s always better to write about chess than play it.

Forever rusty Marcus signs off here.

M J M

Have you noticed how difficult it has become to say who the most famous chess player in the world is. It isn’t and can no longer be the world champion -that’s yesteryear. It’s one of the streamers as they have milions and millions of followers and are much more popular. What does that tell you? We are experiencing a 4th revolution -that’s what. Society is always subject to change.

M J M

If I said I have never been good at chess because in every club I have played in, everyone said I was the handsomest member of the club and that was a burden to me as I always drew a lot of attention and was treated as like a celebrity figure sort of which put me under pressure as I hated having my photo taken and all those wolf-whistles!

Do I have much chance of convincing anyone of this? Comments above please. A score of 1-10 in terms of humour rating will be gratefully received. Thank you.

M J M