Don’t ask me why but I went and did it last night. Played two 5 minute games on line. How did I allow this to happen? Is it because I am human filth? Probably.
An elation and some cider around 9pm last night put me in the mood for some chess. When it was done I punched myself in the face hard. I then ran onto the streets and tipped some bins over whilst screaming my head off. I returned and had a cold shower with my clothes on.
Today, to discourage myself further from more misadventure, I shall strip off in the street and throw one of my shoes in the sea. This evening, I shall sleep rough on the street. No blanket. No cider.
There can be no more of this online chess business. Remain banished it must. Should there be another incident like last night’s, I shall set fire to myself on the roof. And that’s that.
Comment from fan of site ‘er, ‘as ‘ee gone off online chess then?’
Reply from owner of site (me) ‘you ask anymore questions like that and I’ll smash your bloody face in!’
Comment from Webmaster ‘What’s he got so fired up about this time?’
Reply from owner of site (me) ‘Right! That’s it, you’re both dead.’
Comment from CEO of WordPress ‘Hey, stop using our platform to post content about chess that lacks decorum.’
Reply from owner of site (me) ‘You slag. You just wait. I’ll do you an ‘all.‘

MJM












































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