What’s the plan for today then for bedridden me, unable to walk anywhere, coutesy of the two bad accidents I had in the same day, where I learned the hard way that it’s far better to climb ladders than it is to accidentally fall off them and smash your knees and feet up after hitting the floor hard.
Here’s what I posted on social media about how today will unfold.
Mark. J. McCready, Asia
Updates on today’s chess.
I have to bring it to a close earlier than expected today. I am unused to being discombobulated by my own results. I play very aggressively, often seize the initiative and completely outplay the machine but then I go all wierd and make a complete mess of it. I am yet unable to work out why this keeps happening and left me in a state of disbelief. Before I was born my mother was told there’s no doubt he’ll grow up to be a useless bastard who is crap at everything. That’s not quite true but I have very little ability to assess me own chess and have left myself incapable of working out how things are going so badly wrong with such regularity. This may be because I haven’t had enough time to adjust to, and improve on the style I have adopted for the first time in my life. Most don’t normally change their style of play and I certainly never have. Perhaps it’s to be expected it will take some time before I can get it right, I don’t really know. I just know I keep letting myself down, and its making me wonder whether its really worth it or not. Even though I am putting more effort into it than ever before and enjoying it, my play does not exemplify this and it’s already becoming too embassing to continue on with.
I always think I know what I am talking about and I don’t like it when I can’t work out what’s going so badly wrong. I really should know already but just perhaps, I do need more time to adjust to the radical transformation in my play I have defined my play by. Perhaps I am being impatient as well as unwilling to address the situation. I will promise myself to take a closer look at my games to anaylyze how I go wrong but I am not confident this will change anything, and I amy just have to accept that when I am so gung ho I will get shot down. I am unable to define how chess played in the style I play is experienced. Never in my life have I wanted to stick it to my opponent so much and sacrifice left right and centre. But I am happy to say for the most part I really enjoy it until I cock it up. I was hoping to stay with the adopted style but perhaps it will only ever become something best forgotten about and not to be repeated as I am not good enough to pull it off.
Most importantly of all I am very happy to express much interest in my own chess. The engagement and purpose is more important than what was achieved by it, which remains undefinable courtesy of it overpowering me to disbelief. Hopefully I will remain impressive with my intentions and manifestations of engangement in my own play will develop further, something almost impossible to believe for a good thirty years easily I value contentment more than improvement and have done for quite some time. If I can somehow fuse the two together I will be very impressed with myself. It’s not the norm that I take much interest in my chess and never has been; therefore, it must be welcomed with astonishment or alternatively suspicion as it sounds to difficult to believe and must be a pack of lies. WIsh me luck.
And that concludes McCready’s thoughts on the day proving once again I am by far the greatest useless bastard on the planet and always will be as everyone knows.
Mark. J. McCready
McCreadyandChess 