‘Women, can’t live with them, can’t shoot them.’ Sean Penn, U-Turn
As a creature of habit I put no thought whatsoever into my visit to the chess club tonight. I go every week, so why should I? Why should I? I have a better question, how about you apply to life the things that chess teaches you like learning to think ahead before you make your next move. Then ask yourself ‘What might happen if I play out a trip to the chess club tonight?’
Of all the countries in S. E. Asia, I just so happen to be located in the sleaziest of them all; namely, Thailand. The capital is the main base of many I have around the world -and importantly it’s Thai new year at present. This means hundreds of thousands flock to the city centre to get blind drunk and have one huge water fight. Why did I not question whether it was a good idea to go into the city? I wish I knew. Was it nothing more than a preference to not stay at home all day long and to go out and do something instead? Why didn’t I tell myself that to stay at home is for the best sometimes? I just don’t know. I really don’t.
Hardly anyone showed up at the club but we rolled out a blitz tournament nonetheless. With the time limit at 3m 2s increment I under-performed as usual but that’s fine, I am quite used to it. But I went and let the whole evening be derailed by women, whilst in the chess club. What on earth possessed me to allow that you might wonder!
Firstly, I had some woman from New York state wanting to chat to me on Instagram, secondly I also had a former colleague wanting to hook up and bring two women along, one of which he made very clear was quite drunk, wanted to meet me and spend the night together, thirdly I had an ex-girlfriend sending me messages about how much she loves me whilst she was high on what the Americans call crystal meth.
Why could I not just see the night as a night of chess, ignore everything else, go home and go to bed? I just don’t know. So anyway, I met this fucking woman who wanted to sleep with me whilst I was dealing with my Vietnamese ex-girlfriend. My colleague was very drunk, she was too and so was her friend. Yes she liked me and made it clear we were to spend the night together but before that they wanted to party. It was now 11pm, so I started drinking too, so that we could enjoy the night together but with it being new year I wasn’t sure where to go after the English pub we were in closed. Festivities are supposed to stop at dusk but it never happens. The street I chose to go to was total carnage, the likes of which I have never witnessed. Rammed full of drunken idiots partying on like never before, in the street on the road in all the bars, it was everywhere, there was no escaping it. We were fucked and had to change location. What I thought would be a safer option was no better. The whole city centre was besieged by pissed up revellers, partying all day and all night. Acting like total fucking drunken idiots all the time, not knowing what they are doing or even why they are doing it. We got attacked en route numerous times thus completely drenched in water -and I got very pissed off indeed. Those with me could see I had become super-stressed, so when I said I was going home AND going home alone, there was no argument.
There was no argument but matters complicated further because the carnage was everywhere and I was trapped on the street I was on. Even though I had already said goodbye, I kept bumping into those I had spent the last few hours with -we were all trapped. The route I wanted to take out of the city I couldn’t because there was pure mayhem that way, so that meant a good 5km walk through more carnage to escape the area I was in. Taking a taxi out of the situation was impossible because they prey on tourists heavily downtown, and charge you extortionate fees to go anywhere, so I had to walk for kilometres just to get out of the tourist zone. All I could tell myself was ‘Mark, don’t hit anyone, please don’t hit anyone’ but I knew that was coming, I knew for sure. The second route I wanted out of the city was so blocked I knew it was a bad idea. I had to take a third route which involved skirting the Arab quarters, where thankfully no such partying continued. Yes it was a long walk but it turned out to be a wise decision. I knew all too well that about 3kms from the road I was on there was another major road parallel to it, one which led in the direction I needed to go in. I knew that tourists never go there so picking up a taxi would be easy, which it was. Sit in the air con drenched from head to toe I did, not relieved, not overjoyed, just very pissed off. I chose the wrong evening to socialize and start dating someone -and it came back on me big style.
Men and women are principally different and women are much smarter then men. Want to know why? Women only think with one part of their body; namely, their brain. But men think with two parts of their body. Yes their brain is one of them but also another part much lower down the body is used, and used with great frequency. But I don’t think with that part of my anatomy. I never have and I never will. Yes I love women because I love life per se but that’s as far as it goes. I don’t need to get laid. I did it more than enough times already thank you very much.
And so what should have been a quiet night of chess turned into a total fucking nightmare that I never want to happen in my life again. For the next two days the city is besieged with the same stupid shit. So I am staying at home and going nowhere until it’s returned to normal and everyone has stopped fucking about and acting like complete idiots. At times I fucking hate this place and with good reason. Never again will I go into the city to play chess during new year festivals -never again.
And the moral of the story is: ‘If you allow women to enter your life and have more than one, two or three on the go bear in mind that needs to be managed at all times and do not bow down to their wishes when festivities are at their worst because that is so often a recipe for disaster, as was the case tonight’.
Mark. J. McCready 02.34, Saturday April 15th
Laksi, Bangkok
McCreadyandChess 