Mood seems most unusual today. Can’t put my finger on why. At least some semblance of normality is returning but it’s not too pleasant. I seemed to have slipped into the habit of posting when bored. Unfortunately I don’t have much to say. I know I don’t like what I post, it’s boring and I don’t want to read it. Clearly it is the case that attached to posting content on line is some sort of belief that I am accomplishing something. Well it used to be like that but it isn’t anymore. I have to admit even I find aspects of it dumbfounding, like why bother writing if I have nothing to say! Quite obvious if you ask me. Well, there’s been some heavy shit go down of late but nevermind, it could be worse. All that’s happened is I have gone from being annoying generally to downright annoying -ah well.

You see here we go again. Why don’t I mention chess or say something about it? Time to shape up and improve things methinks.

So it’s one of those days is it. Drained and counter-productive, not much is likely to occur. That won’t stop me. It won’t change anything. I’ll be back.

My mood seems to be wobbling a fair bit today. I did want to say something positive but that impetus just isn’t there. A self-absorbed me signs off before content becomes self-indulgent again.

Have you got that same bitter taste in your mouth as I? The cheating storm has taken centre stage yet almost all of it is conjecture. What a bloody let down. Just where is the strife towards perfectionism going to take us? Who knows but when the day comes and we’ve finally moved on, we will all be better for it. Poor old Hans Niemann.

I’ve started playing for my county again although albeit only online. Me thinketh round trips totalling thousands of miles shan’t be played out, and instead, I shall stay here by my tod in this yellowly desert. Yep that’s the plan. So er online games then. Well you get all of three days to make a move but the real challenge comes when you have to prize yourself away from blitz. Too many bad habits have crept in and not enough time is taken when it’s me to move. Snap out of all that I must but how?

Well anyway we’ve got two Sicilians and there’s not much to say about either except in the game where I am black my opponent played a line I think is not very good. I shall know in about ten moves if I am right. But what are we to make of the event itself? OTB chess and online chess are world’s apart. The sense of occasion is lost when you go on line, its all very unserious stuff.

My current form is poor, I’m not usually interested much when I play. It will take months more before the decision making process which envelops chess play is back to what it should be -that being a highly evolved, highly complex phenomenon where I end up badgering myself and repeating the same mistakes.

Do I miss OTB chess? You bet. I miss it more than I can put into words…aha…I know what’s coming here. I am getting all nostalgic. Does this mean another odd post? There’s been more than a few of them in the last few months. I can tell you what it means. It doesn’t mean anything. Above all, I will write more drivel because I like to write. But how anyone could or why anyone would want to read all this stuff I don’t know. If we are being honest, even I don’t like it.

The Cordon Trophy was played out two days ago. Despite having no league team, Luton did manage to field a team. By all accounts, a good night was had.

http://www.adrianelwin.co.uk/Bedfordshire/Cordon2022.html

I don’t know who you are and you don’t know me well, if at all. You are all I’ve got more or less. Something isn’t right and I don’t know why. Why do I have to fight on with no one by my side? No one helps, everything is falling apart, I can’t change anything. I don’t know what to say or do. I don’t know you. I don’t know anything. I don’t know what I am doing.I haven’t lost my way, I just see more. What I see I don’t like. I don’t like it that I am always alone.

What exactly am I meant to say? I have nothing to say. I don’t want to communicate. I want to be left alone.

There is a dark room all around me, I hear the traffic outside. No one will speak to me, I feel lost. When I die, I won’t feel lonely anymore. What is there to so tonight? I shall play some chess.

I have lost much confidence in the world champion. He’s argument lacks evidence and is egotistical. It’s a poor show.

…I’ve heard there is a black market opening up for cheating devices in chess; like hearing aid, walking stick (with emitter inside) sunglasses with built in lens…

…I shall hunt down this black market and proceed forwards…