Question for the day: ‘If you zoom around in fast cars across the city, could this help improve your rating?’
Archive for the ‘My own warped humour’ Category
The Q
Posted in Humour, My own warped humour on September 23, 2022| Leave a Comment »
Fire burns disabled man and two chained dogs to death
Posted in My own warped humour on September 23, 2022| Leave a Comment »
Er, chess, er yes. So I have an announcement: I’ve given up playing the Vienna game/gambit. Now after 1. e4 I play 2. Nf3 (its better).
Free car amongst many other prizes.
Posted in Humour, My own warped humour on September 23, 2022| Leave a Comment »
Should I continue on with this blog, I will introduce mental challenges with prizes to be won for the lucky person. The top prize is going to be a car and most likely that will be a tough challenge like solve mate in 1 but a real tough mate in one. The sort where someone with a FIDE rating of 1200 needs half a minute on the clock to find it and someone with a FIDE rating of 2200 needs an hour easily. I will have other prizes, like packets of crisps, pen sets, cheese grater, ironing board, ant killer, and even a chocolate fireguard. I should add that if your rating is over 2800, you can’t play.
More details to follow
Mark, you could be onto a nice little earner here. Just charge people one pound to enter and pocket the profit
Take their money and destroy your website in the process. Never look back.
More Breaking News…
Posted in My own warped humour on August 3, 2022| Leave a Comment »
There will almost certainly be a delay to today’s play at the Olympiad. There’s been an incident involving the Chief Arbiter in the playing hall lavatory. He mistakenly used Walmart toilet cleaning wipes instead of loo paper and has burnt his bum, he’s gone off to hospital to have it inspected.
They are not sure how long it’s going to take but it is not expected for him to return to his duties for today’s play. A deputy is being sought.
MJM
Breaking News from the Olympiad…
Posted in Life beyond the chess board, My own warped humour on August 3, 2022| Leave a Comment »
Today’s play is facing a delay. In the city of Chennai, an escaped giant tortoise has been seen entering the playing hall. Big operation there. Once they’ve caught up with it, however long that takes, how are they gonna lift it out of there? Could be a tough one this.
They once had an escaped parrot in the Soviet Championships but I’m guessing the olympiad guys would opt for a giant tortoise over a parrot if it were put to the vote, so maybe the arbiters will just leave it be, unworried about concentration levels being disturbed by squawking, and blunders being made because of it. If we did have an escaped parrot this time, or any other noisy bird disturbing games and making players lose what we most likely will get is, if they couldn’t catch it, Grand masters going on the rampage and trying to burn the place down to get rid of it. And we don’t want a scenario where Grand masters are colluding and committing arson, aided and abetted by IM’s and FM’s in the middle of an event -that’s just unacceptable, so since tortoises are quiet and move slowly, they are easily managed and the arbiters will probably just leave it be, well that’s my take on it.
Is a renaming of the site in order?
Posted in My own warped humour on August 3, 2022| Leave a Comment »
I must admit, I am quite good at entertaining myself and would like to add a video on bird wrestling (where two birds wrestle with each other) because I think I am onto something here. If you asked most people what extra things should a chess site include, most would opt for Bird Wrestling for entertainment, and I’ve got a great video where one bird gets stomped on and get’s a claw in the head! It’s a beaut and only one minute long. I could start advertising it and monetise my site. Maybe set up a donations channel where I hunt down similar videos with different types of birds wrestling each other. I could be onto a winner here and may rename my website McCreadyandchessandbirdwrestling
With top notch videos loaded in, there’s big money to be made here I think. The whole thing is just waiting to take off with investment. I could have 5 million in the bank within 3 months…maybe 10 million, who knows?
An old bus
Posted in My own warped humour, On-line journal on August 1, 2022| Leave a Comment »
You are on an old bus lost somehow somewhere in the countryside. You are not thinking about your destination, more so what you see passing by in the windows. The sky is grey, you feel a little sleepy. Suddenly the bus swerves then brakes hard. You turn around to see what’s happened and catch a glimpse of a shrine that passes by. Your head begins filling with chess moves and chess games from yesteryear. Moves from games gone by repeat over and over. The bus stops to allow a beautiful girl to get on. Religious enlightenment doesn’t occur, just more moves repeat themselves. Do you stay on the bus or jump off it, risking certain death?
You stay on the bus and nothing else happens. The girl got off, you arrived at your destination and your head is no longer full of moves and games from yesteryear. But your trousers have got a hole in them? How did it happen on a bus? They are torn, the sky is still grey.
What happens of that day is not worth writing about. You passed a shrine and nothing much really happened. Alone, you walk on home. No one will talk to me because no one is there. Alone I got ready for bed. Then I sat wondering if I would spend my entire life feeling alone. And then went to bed.
Well done for not doing anything. That means nothing but nothing is good. Nothing got smashed up. Nothing.
Lottery Tickets
Posted in My own warped humour, On-line journal on August 1, 2022| Leave a Comment »
Let’s say you are playing for the county. It’s a Saturday morning and you are in Newmarket, Turner Hall. You are in the middle game and putting up a good fight on the board. Would you get up from your chair whilst your opponent is thinking, walk out of the hall, to a newsagent and put a lottery ticket on in the middle of the game? How would you chose the numbers or have they been communicated to you already?
Would you do that in a county game? I wouldn’t. I’d lose concentration on my game and get done over. No malarkey for county matches. That’s pure chess. No lottery tickets, just chess and only chess. And anyway that town is famous for horse racing, a lot of those lanes are used as bridle paths and stink the place up with horseshit. I don’t want that on my shoes when I am trying to concentrate over the board and win for my team! Fuck that lottery bollocks, some other day maybe. End up with a horseshit sandwich otherwise…ah fuck that bollocks. No lottery and that’s final.
Demons
Posted in My own warped humour, On-line journal on August 1, 2022| Leave a Comment »
If you were playing competitive chess and then in the opening you are contacted by spirits, they tell you about your game and expected moves but everything they say is false and doesn’t happen, would you smash the clock up if it carried on? A professional player would smash that clock up but an amateur might just get up and walk around. If it were me and I was being told of moves that never happen again and again, I’d smash the clock up yes. Yes I would because they might go away then. But I would have to go to the bar first and get lagered up real fast, then you could really smash that clock up.
Tune in again for more professional advice.
MJM 2.47am
August 2nd.
A dark room in the capital
Play chess not lottery
Posted in Humour, My own warped humour, On-line journal on August 1, 2022| Leave a Comment »
Well here we have someone who went and won the lottery. He got the right numbers and got rich out of it but then got himself killed after celebrating.
https://www.77kaoded.com/news/boonchoo-poungmala/2306532
I think we should avoid the lottery and stick to chess. You are less likely to get killed in chess or go on the rampage either.
Stick with chess, that’s my advice. Avoid lotteries, they can’t help your chess and could affect your opening repertoire…possibly?
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A side note on how to read old Tom Sweby's columns
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Not perhaps, but quintessentially, Old Tom Sweby is best thought of as a passionate devotee to the newspapers he wrote for. He was well read and knowledgeable of the Bedfordshire chess scene and well beyond, given that he was the president of the S.C.C.U. once upon a time. He was generally well-respected and rubbed shoulders with many, if not all, of those eminent within British chess circles. It would, however, be a critical mistake to see his column is primary source material entirely. That it is not. You will also find secondary source material quoted too, and the reliability of that is not quite as Tom hoped. Given that he wrote for decades, this is to some degree inevitable, and after all we are all prone to error whether we realize it or not. Thankfully, with regards to old Tom Sweby, they are infrequent and for the most part old Tom continued to document events and developments in the Bedfordshire league from the get go as best he could but, of course, everything lies open to interpretation. Despite this, and generally speaking. this does indeed make him informative and thus worth reading. Dare I say his columns constitute a narrative describing the latest developments, match reports and changing nature of the Beds league...he knew his audience and wrote according. This manifested itself over decades but brevity was always in play courtesy of the restictions imposed by writing a column. Should you wish to read a in instrumental figure of the Beds' league post WW2, you are quite welcome to peruse what has been posted here... . :-) I should, however, point out that as the decades wore on he gradually moved on away from narratives concerning the Bedfordshire league towards affairs both historical and international. The reasons for this are multifarous, old age was a predominante factor presumably, however, the bottom line is with regards to how the Bedfordshire chess scene developed post WW2: old Tom Sweby is your go to guy. He wrote more about chess in Bedforshire than anyone else did but given he was a Lutonian and writing for a Luton newspaper there is both bias and greater coverage of his hometown than the rest of the county.
Gallery
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- I’m either 10 or 11 here
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- 1982, myself versus Brian from Sunderland.
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- At the Thai Junior chess championships. My daughter of course.
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