An unnamed member of Bedford Chess Club (possibly an occasional Board 5 player for the A team) has sent pictures to F.I.D.E taken during their 3-2 loss to Leighton Buzzard last season claiming that underhand tactics were used to deliberately put them off and that they should be stripped of their title.
In the first picture, the Bedford players felt unsettled by the appearance of their opponents as well as their behaviour before play began, claiming they were named A. King and A. Queen. Each also mimicked the piece they represented whilst moving round the playing hall, rather than milling around freely, especially around the boards of opposing players in time trouble, which it was claimed, is not how royalty should conduct itself and was ‘bloody annoying’.
Leighton Buzzard A
In the second picture Bedford’s board 5 player said when he approached the board to start the game he couldn’t concentrate properly as his opponent had a handgun on view and at the ready, and gave the impression of being a fugitive, furthermore, when his female sidekick stripped off in front of him, he forgot to press his clock and lost several minutes at the start of the game but added if there were further instances of femme fatales stripping off at the start of play, no further complaints would be lodged.
Leighton Buzzard A strip off
A F.I.D.E official replied stating that clubs who coerce strippers into their gamesmanship will be stripped of their title. Quoting rule 18.1 ‘Er. it’s not cool to muck about during rated games yeah? It’s sort of against the rules’.
An email replete with expletives has been sent to the Bedfordshire Chess Association by the English Chess Federation, banning Luton Chess Club from entering the Beds. league next season after its latest mobilization was considered rather idiosyncratic.
Club Secretary Peter Montgomery, at the request of the ECF, sent pictures of recent games and evidence of the clubs recent reform. He explained ‘Well…we were going to mobilize to boring old Milton Keynes but that’s not even in Bedfordshire, so we had a brainwave, we thought why do we need to go and play there? To mobilize all you need is mobiles, let’s just use them instead.’
He then sent pictures of some recent games, which were rejected with the concluding remarks ‘Are you taking the piss? How can that be a club? Never bloody mind how boring Milton Keynes is, just get your backsides over there if you want to be entered for the next season.’ Here are the pictures of the reformed Luton Chess Club which were rejected for their idiosyncrasy.
As per usual, I am indebted to MemoryChess for his fabulous efforts and the endless inspiration they provide.
Key figures from the Sierra Leone Chess Federation have sent emails stating they want to arrange a match with Bedfordshire in Freetown, their capital as part of their preparation for the upcoming Olympiad. ‘We are no muppets’ -as you English like to say- we recently trounced Timbuktu 14-2 in a televised match so be prepared ‘even though they (Timbuktu) defaulted on 14 boards we would have won anyway’.
‘We’ll put you English gentlemen up at a top hotel; it had running water about 10 years ago, but occasionally we still have electricity. There’s a TV with all locals channels to watch in the lobby, the blood and bullet holes from those slaughtered in the courtyard during the civil war was cleaned up long ago, nothing to see there now. We’ll pay for your flight from Heathrow direct to Freetown via Nairobi, Cape Town, Cairo, Dubai, Ougadouga, Kinshasa, Casablanca, Timbuktu, Algiers, Mogadishu and Tripoli before arriving at Freetown. We hope you can accept the 17 hour stopover in Kinshasa and the 3 day wait in Ougadouga and the one month wait in Tripoli for your visas.
Please be patient and accept that in Africa it is not uncommon to find farmyard animals such as goats on board, we hope this will not spoil your flight in anyway. We shall be requesting another 16-man match but we insist those interested must provide proof of their rating and that they can handle a machine gun, which will be provided upon disembarkation of the aircraft by our great leader who will escort you to your hotel in an armored convoy. We must remind you the machine gun is not for use on your opponent, it is there so when you leave the playing hall you can engage in combat with those who target Westerners with confidence, should this be necesssary.
Our advice is, when you exit the playing hall -to chat about openings as you English like to -do not wander out casually one by one, you must burst out collectively as a team with all guns blazing, that will scare everyone off, only then should you enter into the latest novelties in the Ruy Lopez for example. Hopefully your concentration will not be broken by too much gunfire during the match. The army will be there to help eliminate anyone you may happen to miss.
Those interested may sign up below
The Kalashnikov. For those who don’t know that’s 1.e4 c5 2. Nf3 Nc6 3. d4 ed 4. Nxd4 e5. Note that 4. …Nf6 is the Sveshnikov. I’m not sure why but most Sveshinikov players say the Kalashnikov has a major drawback. However for those participating, the Kalashnikov is an appropriate choice.
With England in the midst of yet another decade of poor governance and cultural degradation, its putrified neo-liberalism and crumbling capitalist architecture have fostered new levels of poverty, an increasingly narrowed middle-class, a surreptitious and multitudinous erosion of civil liberties and an unvoiced -often- immigrant minority living in more than 10 people per room sometimes and dependent upon communal meals made from Tesco’s leftovers after which our travelers of the twilight, must steal, beg and break into properties in an attempt to survive starvation, inflicting yet more misery on the British public and their apathetic police force. The 2-3 million Brits also on the poverty line, crave a slow death from decades of drinking into oblivion with their minds destroyed by drug use and dodgy soap operas.
With the democratic decision to leave the EU, those who uphold power within the UK are already trying to challenge and overturn the decision instead of respect our democracy -that being the heavily trampled on will of the people. Politicians always act out of self-interest, that’s why they become politicians in the first place. No matter how dressed up with rehashed rhetoric their artless speeches are, they can still influence that 1% who uphold the power of a nation who may or may not want to leave the EU: ‘we, must get the backhanders we are accustomed to, I didn’t shove my tongue up dozen or more backsides for nothing you know, I want what I worked for’.
Britain slides further backwards led astray by another generation of politicians where their career has such greater precedence than the plight of their nation, that the systematically depoliticized generations awash within the cities are defeated and despondent. The Freudian slip in the video below reveals what matters more to Cameron, being part of a machine that manufactures hundreds more like him whose priorities are no different.
The New Teams, their premises and, er, some words of caution
A public toilet in Stockwood Park Luton infamous for dogging, HIV, transvestites and numerous stabbings in the nineties has submitted a team for next season’s play asking if they could play on the grass outside the public lavatory rather than inside (as it’s a bit smelly).
A bunch of Bedford bell-ringers from St. Paul’s Cathedral have also expressed an interest, stating that matches could take place in the bell tower itself and that opposing teams would not need more than a decade or two to get used to the infuriating racket. Being a satanist in my youth, I suggest you refuse them entry to the league then burn down their stupid little Cathedral.
Some tramps usually seen loitering around Houghton Regis have expressed an interest if super-strong cider is provided during play on behalf of the club and shooting up in the bogs is not prohibited. Home matches would be played in tents shared by heroin addicts, where only some might be lying dead -but they’d only just be dead, or on the verge of dumps or by open fires where the outcasts of their chosen sub-culture smoulder between logs ablaze after a drunken back magic curse backfired, or perhaps by stolen cars set on fire in the middle of nowhere. One of the aforementioned tramps knows how to move ‘the horsey one’ as he put it, as well as ‘the prawns‘, he also knows that the bishop moves ‘slantyways’ but knows it can’t overtake other bits or become a crown or doesn’t get 200 pounds for passing go but must go scrumping up apple trees when they bear fruit to become promoted to a queen. He will play on board one if he is still alive by then… .
The EDL, have also submitted a team and have vowed to play only the English Opening with white or the St. George’s Defence with black. A spokesman has said:
Tell your boys we got a proper firm. We can handle ourselves over the board. We ain’t muppets. No one ever won me in play, I’ll win everyone, you’ll see. I play the prawns and make them into a mob where they march down the board, just like when we do when we are on tv. I like the prawns cos they is skinheads, so they look like us init.
When you come to our gaff its only English allowed. We got a bar. Visiting teams order just before the clocks are pressed, It’s 2 quid a pint and its 25 pints per order, so that’s 3 pints per player, er wait no 89…er no 5… yeah 5 pints per player and you gotta finish them in the first fifteen moves or we get an extra prawn on each board. Any Watford gets glassed coming in, then crushed by an 80’s fruit machine leaving. We’re the new firm, we got the thousands you lot ain’t got, you play by our rules or we march through every town in the country with thousands of skin heads dressed up as prawns upholding hundreds of banners exposing the flaws in your top boys opening repertoire as well as their worst ever blunders. Now you don’t want that do you? So just play ball and you’ll be alright. We’re not trouble makers, we’re just frustrated because the Hatters were treated like rubbish by the FA and we had no one to fight when we went into the conference…you can’t go though the weekend in Luton not scrapping with strangers in the streets -you’d go crazy in no time.
We’re supposedly against the Islamic invasion of England but don’t think we can’t be riled by months of foreign openings being played against us and reform into the ECDL (English Chess Defence League). Nuff said.
Lastly, several renowned clubs from Marseilles have also applied. After disagreements with the French Chess Federation they feel a move to the Bedfordshire league is the logical thing to do. They will continue to operate from the same premises but have promised detailed maps for visiting teams, stating that its not much further than Northampton for most clubs and is a much nicer drive anyway. If their inclusion is a success a sister club in the Cote d’Ivoire will be encouraged to join the following year.
By jove! The beleaguered Luton Chess Club now homeless for months has exciting news for the county with 3 new venues available for the 2016 – 2017 season. I’ve been asked to post images on line and gain feedback from those around the county. I do need to add a great deal of effort has gone into securing the venues and it is unlikely that another within Luton can be found so we cannot accept criticisms concerning the unsuitability of the venues. Please note that the aim of the club was to find a venue which was a marked improvement on that of recent years.
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At Luton we only request that visiting teans are suitably dressed and that snorkelling between moves is prohibited, as is peeing in the pool both will incur a two minute penalty. Should anyone be caught shitting in the pool they will lose by default with immediate effect.
Towels, generously donated by oxfam are available although one of them is the worse for wear as it appears someone has used it to wipe his arse.
Do be a good sport and register your preferred choice of venue below.
Though the new season is a few months off still, numerous interested players in the region have contacted me and asked which club is nearest to them in the Beds. league, all have confirmed they are ready to start the new season providing one or two queries can be answered by the various respective club secretaries who should expect an email or two shortly. I have posted their expressed club preferences.
Luton
Luton has just acquired a new member. Her rating is quite low, less than 100 in fact, but she’s looking for someone to go through her games with her in her penthouse apartment on the edge of town after matches.
Any expression of interest amongst the vast array of thriving Luton chess club members will be forwarded on, she has asked me to submit evidence that she is a chess lover and has a board and set at home which can be used, so let me know if you can spare a few late evening hours.
She said anyone prepared to play through her games be welcome to crash at her place. If play went on too late into the night she wanted to let everyone know she’s only got one bed but doesn’t have a problem sharing it. I have provided a picture of her below as she requested so that she can be recognized upon her first visit to the club.
Bedford
Bedford also has a potential new member named Rover -the Latvian Gambit terrorizer- Kasparov but due to a language breakdown I could not establish his rating. His owner mentioned he likes to play paw to king four, and sometimes plays paw moves that aren’t always legal. He has recently been banned from a Hertfordshire club after chewing his opponents pieces placed on the side of the board repeatedly. His owner has submitted a picture taken in a recent game.
Leighton Buzzard
Several young ladies who live locally are in search of new opponents. They mentioned they prefer superstuds 170+, with their own transport -ideally a Ferrari- who would be welcome to make up foursome play, preferably held at their country home of which they have submitted a picture. Senior club members need not apply but entrepreneurs with connections in the media industry are particularly welcome as a private studio is available for use at the rear of the property, there is also a fully equipped dungeon for more creative photo shoots.
Open University/Milton Keynes
Two local chess lovers are looking to join a team, one of whom can provide transport for those located in more rural areas. They claim to be endgame specialists, especially knight endings but both have difficulty writing down moves during play. They have submitted a picture of a friendly game recently played behind a stable. They have asked if bails of hay, sugar cubes and doggie biscuits are sold in the vending machines in the canteen.
Northampton
Northampton, renowned for its eternally talentless football club and extensive rainforests as ecologically diverse as those found in the Congo and its neighboring countries, has attracted several potential new members who claim they can ape the success of any former county champion they face over the board. Informing me that they don’t monkey around in the openings and play gambit chess only. One of whom claims his Benko gambit cannot be beaten. They have submitted a photo of a recent playing session on the outskirts of town.
In addition I have been contacted and offered the use of the following gent who is prepared to operate as a reserve for county matches, however, I’m not sure of his suitability but he is available if we are ever short of players.
A warm welcome to all newcomers and long may they prosper. As always, an exciting season as Autumn ascends lies ahead once more. Good luck to all those over the board.
Thanks goes to Memory Chess for the wonderful images.
Another position posted many years ago comes with the game to follow. Again its from Kotov’s ‘Think like a Grandmaster’, which though a dated and criticized work in our modern age, contains many interesting positions and studies of a more classical nature.
Here’s one from Kotov’s own games, its Kotov V Steiner, 1955 U.S.S.R V U.S.A, and its white to play and formulate a winning plan. There is no winning move as such, just a winning plan to be found.
You can find the game here to see how white continued.
During long winters, league matches end with players withdrawing from the board into dark car parks where they drive home through dark evenings on frosty roads past country homes long since asleep. But not all chess players choose to sleep upon their return home. Some stay up and analyze into the small hours. They listen to agoraphobic night music, the videos of which sometimes contain a hiatus wherein many a variation has an unrefined opportunity to become lost forever… .
According to D. J. Richards in his noted text ‘Soviet Chess’ (1965), whose presented mode of history would not stand up in our post-modern world, there are two things we can jot down regarding Soviet chess history in the early 50s but don’t ask me which is more surprising: more than ‘100,000’ ‘from the countryside’ competing actively or that chess was not part of the national curriculum in schools (up to time of publication of course).
I think we can all agree that at 81 years old Mr. Meises should have been proud of himself over his accomplishment. Note that amongst those who drew was the future Headmaster of Bedford Modern Junior School T. I. (Idris) Hussey.
…on what this site initially became…on what this site is now becoming…on what this site cannot become…
On what this site initially became…
…once upon a time, the chess-related musings of an adrift academic were bound playfully and electronically in this online journal of sorts. They grew and grew as the decade did too. I kept on because I love to write whether I had much to say or not; therefore, being read by others was usually of little or no importance, comparatively speaking. Content was based on personal thoughts and experience on various topics with no intended audience borne in mind. With topics broadening, my own take on things always shaped the narrative I constructed: I often thought I was insightful but never that I was right. Sometimes imagination gave rise to originality: and of that I have always remained proud. I often introduced humour, believing that I am funnier than I really am. Sometimes, I found my own style antithetical to the conservatism I believe chess is plagued by -oftentimes that has put a gracious smile on my face… .
On what this site is now becoming…
…this site is now becoming a collaboration of chess in Bedfordshire: much more so of the past than the present -that has become the dominant trend. I document the history of chess in Bedfordshire as much as I can, and as time has passed I have become more thorough and resourceful. However, I am not a trained historian as my background lies principally in philosophy but yes it is true I did study some modules on history as both an undergraduate and a post-graduate too; furthermore, I have trained myself up, particularly in terms of postmodern history. Since 2015, I have only read history and historiography as well as those philosophers who have been so influential on postmodern history, such as Nietzsche (whom I once wrote a 19,000 word dissertation on, entitled: Can the Will to Power be Found in The Birth of Tragedy?), also Richard Rorty and Foucault and I suppose certain structualists such as Claude Levi-Strauss too. Regarding postmodernism, mostly I keep to Hayden White, Keith Jenkins and Alan Muslow.
Some friends and former playing partners back home describe me as the ‘go to guy’ for the history of chess in Bedfordshire. This compliment says more about the lack of interest in the subject than my own endeavour. As mentioned, I am too adrift from academia to feel chuffed by it. Rather, I tend to lament that my historical research, like my chess, just isn’t what it should be. Even though I may well have a broad understanding of Bedfordshire chess history courtesy of the volume of research put into it, all of which began in 2014, this is not something I am particularly proud of. Nonetheless, out of courtesy compliments are graciously received. If the truth be told, I just see it as my job and only that – after all someone’s got to do it and no one else is that interested!
Amongst the many others, I have created three categories: ‘Bedfordshire Chess’ and ‘History of Bedfordshire Chess’ and ‘Luton Chess Club’. This website is slowly moving towards a consolidation of those (all of which can be found in one of the toolbars to the right).
On what this site cannot become…
…I like to be both creative and amusing when I can be, factor in that playfulness has been an ever-present factor, the content of this site should be thought of as multifarious. It could be said I continue to enjoy undermining the conservatism I believe chess is underpinned by even after all these years, and often try to use humour to do it still, believing I have got better at it. Consequently, despite the general direction its going in, this site cannot only be about Chess in Bedfordshire and nor will it be. It may become noted for that yes -in fact that’s been the case for years already even by established historians, archivists, and whoever else. External factors aside, this site is titled McCreadyandChess. I cannot, nor will I not, remove my own personal thoughts and experiences of chess from the posts of this site -especially if I think they are funny or original for they constitute my writing at its very, very best. In addition, the number of categories alone tells you that breadth of content is important to me. I am proud of my site, it is identity conferring and that is how it shall stay -end of story. All you really have are: ‘Some thoughts on the beautiful game’, which, incidentally, just happen to be my very own; nothing more, nothing less, take of it whatever you please… .
A side note on how to read old Tom Sweby's columns
Not perhaps, but quintessentially, Old Tom Sweby is best thought of as a passionate devotee to the newspapers he wrote for. He was well read and knowledgeable of the Bedfordshire chess scene and well beyond, given that he was the president of the S.C.C.U. once upon a time. He was generally well-respected and rubbed shoulders with many, if not all, of those eminent within British chess circles. It would, however, be a critical mistake to see his column is primary source material entirely. That it is not. You will also find secondary source material quoted too, and the reliability of that is not quite as Tom hoped. Given that he wrote for decades, this is to some degree inevitable, and after all we are all prone to error whether we realize it or not. Thankfully, with regards to old Tom Sweby, they are infrequent and for the most part old Tom continued to document events and developments in the Bedfordshire league from the get go as best he could but, of course, everything lies open to interpretation. Despite this, and generally speaking. this does indeed make him informative and thus worth reading. Dare I say his columns constitute a narrative describing the latest developments, match reports and changing nature of the Beds league...he knew his audience and wrote according. This manifested itself over decades but brevity was always in play courtesy of the restictions imposed by writing a column. Should you wish to read a in instrumental figure of the Beds' league post WW2, you are quite welcome to peruse what has been posted here... . :-) I should, however, point out that as the decades wore on he gradually moved on away from narratives concerning the Bedfordshire league towards affairs both historical and international. The reasons for this are multifarous, old age was a predominante factor presumably, however, the bottom line is with regards to how the Bedfordshire chess scene developed post WW2: old Tom Sweby is your go to guy. He wrote more about chess in Bedforshire than anyone else did but given he was a Lutonian and writing for a Luton newspaper there is both bias and greater coverage of his hometown than the rest of the county.
Gallery
I’m either 10 or 11 here
1982, myself versus Brian from Sunderland.
At the Thai Junior chess championships. My daughter of course.
Pattaya 2011
2011
Thai Junior Championships
2008
2011
Around 2011
2011
Pattaya 2009
2011
Kuwait 2008
2012
2012
2011 BKK Chess club
2011
2011 Thai Open
2011 Thai Open
2013 approx
Around 2014
2010
2012
Around 2011
2011
2011
2013
Around 2011
Around 2011
2020
2011
2008
2011
2013 or thereabouts
2010
2017
2014?
2010
2024
2024
2024
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